I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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