i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
