I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
