Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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