we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
