We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
