Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
