I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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