Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So squirting runs in the family.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sorry my hands just texted you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
