HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
