So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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