It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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