respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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