Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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