White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
