You really coming over, don't trick.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
