Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
