I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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