dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
