lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Your penis caused this!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
