Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
