The brown eye won't let me do that either.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
