I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
