Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
