Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
