only you would photoshop your dick
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
