I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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