what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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