he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Congratulations! We have a period
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