Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
