I think I won the penis lottery.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
