he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
