Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
