I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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