Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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