if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Its about making memories worth repressing
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
