Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
