would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
