We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
