The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
