Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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