before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
