he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
