My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
