We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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