I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
