Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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