she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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