talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
a search helicopter?!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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