if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
