There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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