My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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