My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
