i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
