he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
